Comparing Cryptocurrencies to makeup brands based on security, scalability, adaptability, and more
The other day, I used my 11-year-old trusty MAC brush and thought to myself, “wow. If MAC was a Cryptocurrency, it would be Bitcoin.” It never goes bad or falls apart, it’s reliable, always the same, and easy to use by both consumers and makeup artists.
Then my gears began to turn as I rummaged through my vanity drawers.
Here is a list of 8 crypto assets as corresponding makeup brands. Why? A better question is ‘why not?’
Bitcoin: MAC
Bitcoin is MAC for a number of reasons. Firstly, MAC is the OG. It’s been here before us, and it will be here after us. Secondly, when you purchase both Bitcoin and MAC products, you HODL for the rest of eternity. We all have that one MAC lipstick that we bought over a decade ago that’s still sitting in our makeup bag, fresh as the first day we bought it. Bitcoin, like MAC, is a trusted favorite.
Ethereum: NARS
Ethereum is NARS. Why? NARS is the go-to for makeup artists because of its flexibility, adaptability, and diversity. NARS has always had a wide shade range in a variety of different finishes when it comes to base products. Ethereum serves as a base for many altcoins and Web3 projects, just like NARS is the core of the kits of many makeup artists.
Solana: Glossier
Glossier is the champion of the 5-minute makeup routine. Their products like Boy Brow, Perfecting Skin Tint, and Lidstar makes it possible to get a flawless look in minutes. They aim to reduce the size of your makeup bag with multi-purpose and easy-to-use products. Similarly, Solana aims to reduce the time of Smart Contract transactions, claiming to be the fastest blockchain in the world. It’s also open source and user-friendly, with many applications.
Cardano: Makeup Revolution
Makeup Revolution has made its name by copying products created by higher-end brands to create cheaper ‘dupes.’ Everyone knows Makeup Revolution isn’t game-changing when it comes to quality, but it’s there for a good time, not a long time. Similarly, Cardano was created by Charles Hoskinson, who was formerly excommunicated from the initial leadership board of Ethereum. Also, in Laura Shin’s new book, The Cryptopians: Idealism, Greed, Lies, and the Making of the First Big Cryptocurrency Craze, she mentions that Hoskinson alluded to being Satoshi Nakomoto. Sounds like someone trying to pass off a fake for the real thing to me. It looks like he’s doing the same thing with Solana now. 🙄
Polkadot: Sephora
Polkadot was made to connect a number of different cryptocurrencies together, the same way Sephora houses all our favorite brands in one place. Polkadot makes something called ‘interoperability’ possible, or the connection and communication between different blockchains. Polkadot makes it possible to communicate between blockchains, and Sephora makes it possible to shop for all your favorites in one place. Who doesn’t love a good mix and match moment?**
**
Polygon: Fenty Beauty
Polygon, an Ethereum scaling solution, holds accessibility as one of its core values. Fenty Beauty, Rihanna’s popular makeup brand, changed the world of mainstream beauty with its 2017 launch of 40 shades of foundation. Fenty is a leader in the movement to make shade ranges and beauty products more accessible to all. Also, their products are high-quality enough to be a top pick by pro makeup artists. In a similar way, Polygon is a developer favorite.
Chainlink: Beauty Blender
Chainlink acts as a bridge between cryptocurrencies and allows for the safe transfer of data to blockchain smart contracts. In simpler terms, Chainlink allows the blockchain ecosystem to receive the most up-to-date information without the fear of data that’s been tampered with. This allows decentralized exchanges to display the most accurate prices of crypto assets 24/7. Beauty Blender created the tool that made it way easier for us to apply makeup (data) to our faces (a blockchain) and have it look smooth, flawless, and natural. The Beauty Blender sponge is also way faster than applying makeup with a brush, just like Chainlink makes it possible to deliver tamper-proof data to the blockchain ecosystem faster than ever.
Squid Coin: Mary Kay
Squid Coin is Mary Kay because it was a complete rug pull and pyramid scheme, similar to multi-level marketing companies like Mary Kay, Avon, Limelife by Alcone, and Eunique. CoinMarketCap wrote about Squid Coin: “We have received multiple reports that the users are not able to sell this token in PancakeSwap. Please exercise caution while trading.” This is very similar to how MLMs manipulate you with the dream of ‘being your own boss’ and ‘making tons of money’ and then sell you really overpriced makeup. They make their profit selling ‘wholesale’ to their salespeople, who are then stuck with a ton of shitty makeup that no one wants to buy.